I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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