So drunk its hurt
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
