it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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