You really coming over, don't trick.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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