who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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