I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
