Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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