i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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