Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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