So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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