dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
