my mouth tastes like poor choices
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
