The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
