Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
