Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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