This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
