420 ftw
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
