dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
