I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
