All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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