She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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