I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
