so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
