Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
