I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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