my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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