last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
