areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
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