Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
