We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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