U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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