you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
