dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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