So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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