Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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