what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
