So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
