I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
