My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
