My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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