Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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