i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
