I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
