Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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