genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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