He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
