p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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