I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's Friday. Sex?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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