It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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