so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
