i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
