I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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