Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
