I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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