He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
