So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
