home. puking in laundry basket.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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