hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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