5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
