it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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