I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
