Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
