you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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