You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
