I bet he comes in French.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
