you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Shame is for Republicans.
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