Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We're too hungover to prance.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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