come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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